Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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