Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
