we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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