she pinky promised me she was 18
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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