Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
