apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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