You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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