it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
