FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
