I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
