oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize