My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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