I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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