My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize