see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
