So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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