i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
