Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
