Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
