It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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