After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
