'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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