I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
