She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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