textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
