Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
