so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
