why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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