I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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