How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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