I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
