I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
