this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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