I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
