shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
