I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
