i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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