I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
