You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
