I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
