The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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