You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
