I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize