What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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