The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
