Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
