how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
