Im at strip club and am horny
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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