thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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