walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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