Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
