All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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