Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
