You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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