Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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