ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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