someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
