apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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