I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
