I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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