haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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