Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this boner is exhausting
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
