Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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