Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
