in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
