i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wanna go halves on a baby?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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