i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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