All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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