Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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