hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
