My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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