this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
