2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
