So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
